A Snapshot of Now: At 21

Inspired by a post written by Emma Mercury on The Messy Heads, check it out here 🙂

 

It’s 6pm on a Thursday night and I’ve got a rare day off at home tomorrow. Out of the entire year, I’ve only had a handful on days off spent at home – alone. I’m constantly travelling, driving back and forth between work and home and James’ and my parents’ and  jetting off to whatever festival I can afford to go to.

Things are almost the same as last year, and then they are not. I have a new baby brother now, who I love like he’s my own, and can easily spend hours holding him and lugging him around despite how big he’s grown. I have James too, for real this time, and living an hour apart has limited our time together, but every day away is worth the ones I get with him.

I recently changed my room around; bought a new desk, strung up some more fairy lights. I’m contemplating lining the whole ceiling with them – an urge that has no doubt arisen from watching Stranger Things. My lovely collection of film cameras now sits proudly under the window, and has actually inspired me to start using them more and is a constant reminder to fix that damned winding mechanism on my Olympus Trip 35.

What else is new? I did another wardrobe clean out – I think that’s the third this year. I still have far too many clothes. I’m trying to be disciplined; only buying things that I’m really in love with, asking myself how many wears the item will receive. My t-shirt collection triumphs all other categories, and my overalls collection now houses enough to dress me for a week. I wear my new black high top Converse at every chance I can get, happily neglecting all other shoes unless it’s absolutely necessary. My style is still the same as last year: men’s t-shirt tucked into high waisted denim shorts, a pair of sparkly glitter socks (new) and my Chucks. I still hate dressing for Cairns, and still don’t feel completely comfortable being free with my personal style here. Until I go on holidays, that is…

I’m still perpetually lazy when it comes to cooking, and it’s not because I don’t enjoy it, but because cooking for one has absolutely ZERO appeal to me. I’ve finally started hunting down acai bowls in the city, and have vowed to try every one I can find before I eventually move away.

I recently started a new diploma course, one that I genuinely enjoy and that I should be studying for now (oops). Graphic Design is something I’ve always loved the idea of, but never knew what it actually involved; and to be honest I was a little scared that I wouldn’t be good enough to succeed in the field. But now I’m beginning to learn all of the tools and the tricks…there is hope.

I still want to write, but I have no real interest in studying it at university, which is, of course, kind of a deal breaker to most magazines and digital publications. I’ve always said that the only way I’m going to get better is through practice, and I’m finally doing that through this blog. My posting has been more consistent than ever, and it doesn’t feel like a chore either. I genuinely enjoy taking time out to write posts and come up with ideas, even if only 3 or 4 people actually read the finished product.

After many months of contemplation, I finally bit the bullet and got a fringe cut. And on most days, I really love it. It feels right. And my hair is now the longest it has been since December 2014, which is a pretty big deal, but also not that big at all.

I’ve made some really great friends this year, but none of them happen to live in Cairns. It definitely sucks, knowing all these amazing people and only getting to hang out with them in snippets. But again, the distance is worth it.

Music wise, it’s been a pretty darn good year. I only went to 2 festivals and a handful of gigs, but it’s been consistent and have been some of the best nights of the year. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the magic that live music has. It has this whimsical power that bonds strangers and makes you feel alive and feel completely at home dancing in the mud and rain at 10pm to a band you’d never listened to before that moment.

I don’t really know what else to say. I got new glasses this year, and now wonder how I ever lived without owning such an eccentric pair. My favourite band released a new album, and I fell in love with them all over again. James bought me a BB8 cookie jar. I went to the Sunshine Coast but never actually saw the beach. I finally went to the museums I’ve meaning to see. I ticked Melbourne off my bucket list, and already can’t wait to go back. I drink a lot of tea for a 21 year old.

I feel content, but restless at the same time. I’m tired of not having consistent hours at work, and therefore constantly having to budget my money. I know I’m still lucky, to have a job and be able to afford luxuries, but I can only make plans on a week by week roster basis and then that always depends on money. I look at all the girls my age I follow living in exciting places like Melbourne or Byron or New York and wonder how they are funding their lifestyles. Is it rude to ask? I don’t think so. I’d tell anyone who asked about my finances, and start with “I’d rather save for an adventure than save for a car” which has consequently now bitten me on the ass.

It’s time for another adventure, but then again, it always is. I’m always thinking about my next trip and how soon I can get away, and not because I’m unhappy with my life and where I live, but because travel is one of my biggest passions and probably always will be. New York is calling my name now more than ever and I don’t know how long I can resist.

I have reached the age bracket where so many of the girls I know are having babies or getting engaged or finishing their uni degree and packing up to travel the world. And I still sit somewhere in between, where I’ll probably always be. Which is good, I think, because at least it means I’ll always be doing my own thing, and what I want to do, and not trying follow the crowd.

– Me at 21

 

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